I have found myself saying sorry more than enough times even for things that are not even apology worthy. I mean take this example:
Someone asks someone to do something at a time whilst they are sleeping. The person who is sleeping becomes annoyed with having to be woken up as what they’re doing at that moment is sleeping and that’s what they want to do. The asker gets annoyed with the sleeping person’s sharp answers of ‘whatever’ and ‘I’m sleeping’ and wants to cause harm to that person. It turns out later upon waking that the sleeping person realises that they had some sort of conversation but wasn’t sure. However, they then apologises for their sharpness.
Should they have really apologised?
In the short answer, no! In the long answer, no! They shouldn’t have apologised because the asker was asking for it. There is more than one way to ask for someone to do something for you like leaving a note, making a phone call later on in the day or sending a text message. If you know you’re dealing with a person who likes their sleep then save the request for an appropriate time. There’s no use being hurt about a situation that could have been avoided in the first place. Guilt tripping the person into feeling bad for actually wanting to sleep gets the apology the asker desires but doesn’t deal with the fundamental problem of not respecting the sleeping person in the first place.
Yes, the example is myself , the sleeping someone is myself. Its quite amazing to notice that I have to speak about myself as the third person in order for me to see what I should have saw in the first place. I kind of get why I, still at my age, keep apologising for saying or doing things that is right in my being. There are times when apologising is a must and there is no question about it. I’m wrong I say sorry with no if’s, but’s or maybe’s about it. But I lose my confidence each and every time I say sorry when I shouldn’t be and this is becoming a problem for me to deal with. It kind of gives people the right, the okay to just say and do as they please without actually taking responsibility for their part in a situation and that leaves me at a loss. Being silenced with guilt and knowing that in some way I’m inadequate.
I have my own feelings and my own point view. Ever noticed that in Coming Out I apologised for not wanting to be rude about stating my own case? Why apologise for my own passions or the way how I feel in order to make another comfortable? I’ve realised that in some way for me to get an apology out of another is like pulling teeth without the dentistry qualification, it doesn’t happen or if it does sometimes then there has to be some sort of tie to the apology, i.e ‘what am I going to get out of apologising to you?’. That cheapens it, that’s a cheap way of saying sorry. If you don’t want to then don’t, save me the time and carry on doing what you’re doing.
I’m tied of it now, soon I’ll be apologising for breathing. Telling my friend the truth when I say ‘no’. I find myself falling into that pattern and that’s what it is a pattern and something that needs to be broken.
Peace out. xx