25… Mid-Life Crisis

I’m 25 and that was over a month ago. I’m doing a degree course that I don’t really enjoy because I have been convinced that getting a degree and going to university is the right way to go. But at 16 I didn’t know what to do or who to be. Well ok I wanted to be a Hairdresser and do that as a course after my GCSE’s but I was convinced by my Mother that it wasn’t the best career path. I should study A-Levels instead and go to university to have ‘the opportunity’ she didn’t have.

Fair enough parents want what’s best for their children but not at the expense of not actually trying to do what they actually like at that time. Yes, I am blaming however only partially. I should have just done what I wanted instead of listening to a person who’s instilling fear into me about a chosen career path. ‘That isn’t good enough’ and ‘I work with this woman who trained to be a hairdresser and now she no longer does that… That’s why you shouldn’t go into that career’. *A big sigh!!!!!*. So I went to a 6th form college instead of 6th form at school, I wanted to get out of that place, and did a AVCE (equivalent to 2 A-Levels) and an AS (lower A-Level). I was still moaned at for not staying at school but what was I going to study?! Its not until a teacher said to me that I could do another qualification in something I like as it isn’t the only option.

I applied to university, got in and took a gap year because I wasn’t sure about university then. I can’t even remember what I picked. I just picked a course related to my AVCE and one that was as far as possible. In that gap year I met a guy, fell pregnant, quit university before starting and my pregnancy fell through. I was working but somewhere that I wouldn’t see my whole life in as its un-fulfilling.

Anyway at 25 I’m looking back on those last 9 years as a learning curve, albeit in a sort of psychological backlash where I’m tearing my mind, life and what others expected of me to shreds. Most people at my age are wondering about getting married and having babies and even though I am a bisexual I’m not really worrying about that really just the career and direction I’m trying to build.

It feels like a mid-life crisis but this is a crisis where your expectations and responsibility lies with YOU and solely YOU. There’s this big expectation that at 25 your life should be sorted, you should have a career, have the mortgage, have, have and more have! And I sit here wondering to myself… What do I have to show for it at the moment?! A lot but it isn’t fulfilling, soul reaching nor heartfelt.

At this moment in time I want to be a hairdresser, chef, nurse, teacher, life guru/coach, midwife, photographer, actress, film maker, entrepreneur, tarot/angel/medium/astrological reader etc etc. The list is so endless as I chop and change my mind daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. I know its a lot of careers but its like ‘being jack of all trades, master of none’ and I would like to be a master of at least one of the things that interest me.

It may seem like I should just quit university and stop wasting my time but something keeps saying to me that I should just wait it out. I’m in my 2nd year and I really only have one more year to go, 26 going on 27 by the time I graduate. So what’s the big rush?! I think its part of my expectation that you go to uni, get this degree and build a career from there. But does it really happen like that? (Thoughts please). But in someway I have a ┬áplan I suppose and I’m still working, though it isn’t the greatest job, just something to put food in my belly and pay my bills, but there’s an outline of a plan nonetheless. I should be proud and feel good about that.

I know I’m young and I still have time but it feels like time is running out. Societal pressure to be this and that by a certain age creates more pressure than actually just taking my time to create the life I as a person actually desires. I’m having a chuckle to myself as I think about this. ‘If you don’t laugh you’ll cry’ so I’d rather laugh and see the humour.

Going from Kidulthood to Adulthood (courtesy of Bashy – Kidulthood to Adulthood from the Adulthood ost). I’m attempting to embrace and really I should.

Peace out xx

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